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08 November 2009 @ 04:18 pm
Lol, I use this now: http://androfirestrike.tumblr.com/
I'm a tumblrer now.
09 March 2009 @ 08:15 pm

Perhaps I am too forgiving. Perhaps I have too many secrets. Perhaps I am too honest. Perhaps I am too optimistic. Perhaps I am too mature. Perhaps I am too hard on myself.

I forgive other too easily. I find it hard to hold grudges if the thing the grudge is about is not a big deal. I have a lot of secrets which I do not like to discuss, nor have I discussed with anybody. I find that even when others around me are depressed and angry, I tend to smile and laugh. I find it hard to frown when I know things could be worse. I find that I look for older men because they are mature and can communicate with me on a mature level. Perhaps, though, I do not need an older man, just a mature one. I find that I am too hard on myself. I consider myself weak, which in reality I'm not.

Why do people bother with pointless things? Relationships can be nice, they let you know someone is always there. They are pointless, though. At least, young relationships are. Holding grudges are pointless. Crying over things is pointless. Hating yourself is pointless. Why can't people see the brightness in life? It is always there, even if you don't believe it is.

I find myself confused at the moment.

Perhaps I should think things over.

I miss my mom.

Current Location: Anywhere.
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: "Desolation Row" by My Chemical Romance.
30 December 2008 @ 05:49 am

I just listened to Jeff Nimoy's performance as Spencer Damon on Digimon Data Squad when he got reunited with his family and it made me cry. I think that's a little odd. I mean, I wasn't thinking about the character or scene, I was thinking about Jeff saying those sweet words and I started to cry. I feel weird. I mean, I've only seen, like, ten episodes of Digimon Data Squad to begin with so I had no idea what was going on, really, but as soon as I heard him, I was moved to tears. He was only speaking for only a minute long, too. My obsession with him has alwasy felt awkward because I really only know him as Wolfwood from Trigun. All my love for him was built by watching him on his wbshow when he gets to be himself. So, in a way, I'm obsessed with a Voice Actor and Director, but I'm not too familiar with any of his stuff and I'm more interested in him as a person? This feels very very strange. Almost surreal. I mean, I love Crispin Freeman, but it's more of a fangirly thing because of how attractive I find his voice and the characters he plays. I also have a thing for Chris Patton, but that's just because he's an interesting guy and somehow I always end up watching shows he's in. Travis Willingham? Well, it should be pretty obvious I love him for voicing Roy Mustang in FMA. I like Clint Bickham, too, but that's because I've met him before and hung out with him. He's pretty cool. I originally started talking to him because he's hot and I found out how awesome he was. Vic Mignogna would probably be the most similiar to the case with Jeff because I only really started to like Vic after I watched all these Youtube videos showing how nice he was. And then I started to watch more anime with him in it and I was like: "This guy's pretty amazing. He's nice and has a unique voice. Cool. I like him." I don't know why this Jeff thing is bugging me so much... 

I really hope I get to meet Jeff. In fact, its a goal of mine to meet him when I turn eighteen.

Jeff reminded me how much I love Voice Acting. He reminded how I want to be a VA myself because of how important anime and theatre have been in my life. Anime made me stop thinking about bad things going on my life. It made me forget thing I didn't want to think about. Theatre and acting made me have more faith and confidence in myself. Theatre class, freshman year, was the one thing I looked forward to during the day. Jef made me realize how much I love to listen to Voice Acting.

So, when people ask me why I only want to do Voice Acting and not screen or stage acting, I have a very thought out reason. It isn't because I don't like being in front of people, it's because I just wanted to combine my two passions into one. What's wrong with that? I am practical, though, and I know Voiceover work pays by what kind of work you do and a lot of the work doesn't pay much. I plan to go to school and Major in Theatre with a minor in Education and do some stage acting and when I finally have my degree, I'll go to Funimation and apply my talents as a VA and hope to do some script writing as well. If that doesn't work out, I'll fall back on being a Texas High School Theatre Teacher. In fact, I plan on becoming a theatre teacher some day anyways. It's really a dream of mine to pass the confidence acting can give to people on to others.

And believe me, I get mad when people who aren't in theatre tell me they want to be Voice Actors. It pisses me off, really, because the only way to be a good voice actor is through experience. Someone who isn't in theatre telling me they want to be a VA pisses me off because then I feel all my hard work and carefully thought out plans are a waste.

I swear, if I go and watch the English dub of Trigun all over again, I seriously will cry. And that makes me feel odd, yet amazing that Voice Acting was able to touch me in such a way.

Whew. I just needed to get that off my chest. It would have bugged me if I didn't.

And I've come to a conclusion that it may be a little unhealthy to have my life planned out this much.

Current Location: Anywhere.
Current Mood: weirdweird
Current Music: "Miss those days" by MIXI
13 December 2008 @ 07:30 pm

It depresses me, really.

Life really is depressing. I really just want to say “screw it all” and give up, but that would be so cliché and unrealistic. I, for one, am not the type of girl who does the cliché. And I'm sure as hell a girl who doesn't go for the unreal when it is not needed.

So, exams are coming up. Its stressful, honestly. I already took half of my US History final, which I hope turned out ok. I take the other half Monday. I take Geometry Tuesday and I couldn't be any happier to take it and get it over with and be out of that class since I only had to take one semester. I take Chemistry and Theatre III on Wednesday. I have to memorize an entire monologue by then, but I think I can do it. I got faith. Then I take German II on Thursday, which will be a piece of cake. And finally...Algebra II and AP English III on Friday. Ew. Algebra will suckkkk. But, I just finished the project that is 75% of my English final grade, so that's out of the way. You know what annoys me, though? Only me and one other person did our project. Everyone else let us so fucking down. Why can't people pull their weight? Eh. Whatever.

My friends annoy me lately. Yeah. I really don't want them to, but they do. It makes me sad.

My mom just told me that she didn't care if I got Christmas presents or not. She wasn't mad, drunk or joking, too. She was being serious. It makes me really depressed to hear that. My parents started a tradition last year that they tell us how much money we can spend, and me and my brother go online and spend that amount on Amazon.com, which is convenient, but out of touch. What happened to Christmas trees and wrapping presents? Oh yeah, my parents don't care. I just put what I want on my mom's Amazon shopping cart and it comes and she gives me the same UPS box it came in to open. They keep on telling me how I'll get all that Christmas stuff in Arizona, but I really want it here, too, as well. This is the first year that we've never put up a Christmas tree. My parents say I'm too old. Am I really? I just love putting up all those holiday decorations. I love putting out Santa's village, hanging up the ornaments I made preschool - 5th grade. I love arguing with my brother about why he gets to be the star on the top of the tree. Apparently we're not doing that this year. I tell my mom I want to get my friend's presents and she doesn't care. I only now just convinced her to get gift cards, because it was better than my dad's idea of getting everyone the exact same tangible thing and I told my mom that my friends already got me stuff, which they did. I love watching Hallmark Christmas movies this time of year, but this year I get sad when I see them.

The most depressing thing of all? The light-up reindeer I can see from my window.

It is constantly their reminding me of how disappointing my favorite season is.

Now that I have that off my chest, here's what I ordered myself for Christmas:
1. Creative Zen 8GB Media Player
2. Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility (Wii)
3. The Dark Knight (Two Disk Special Edition)
4. Dark Knight Joker Action Figure
5. The Joker (Comic Book)

Merry fucking Christmas to me.

Current Location: Nowhere.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: "January" by Backseat Goodbye
09 November 2008 @ 11:27 pm

I hate Chemistry. I hate German II. I hate Geometry.
I HATE ALGEBRA II. I hate AP English III. I only sometimes like Theatre III.
And I dislike Dual Credit US History.

Ugh. I hate junior year. I want to be out of high school so badly. Seriously. I haven't done a journal entry in a while, but, I seriously need to vent some cause' I'm pretty stressed. So, I hate all my classes despite the fact I share them with friends. I don't understand a thing about Chemistry so I hate it. German class is becoming really annoying. I mean, I really am only in it because two years of a foreign language is required to graduate. Geometry sucks. I hatehatehate how I have to re-take that class. Lunch is only mildly enjoyable. Algebra II is a fucking nightmare. I despise it and don't understand a word because I still find myself unable to believe that I passed Algebra I. And my Algebra II teacher is a fucking jerk to meeee. I miss my old English teacher. My current teacher is a bitch and I really dislike her class atm. I mean, come on, she wants us to print out Barack fucking Obama's speeches? Screw that, I haven't accepted him as my president yet! I have my own opinion, don't make me do something I don't want to do. Eh. And again, I only sometimes like Theatre class, especially now that more people are in it. I'm in Theatre III this year and I still find that Theatre is really cliquey. It sorta annoys me that the class is basically all about Nick, Greg, Brent, Julia, and Matt. I like theatre, but I sorta don't like it sometimes. I really only like acting. That's the most appealing part of the class to me. I like acting and watching plays so therefore I am in a class that lets me act and gives me an excuse to go and see plays. I wish Mr. Hughes taught that class. I have nothing against Ms. Pena, but I really like Mr. Hughes more, honestly. And History's only decent. It's truthfully pretty boring. Mr. Hiemstra's pretty decent as a tecaher, probably better than the other teacher I would of have, Mrs. Rosas. His class is boring, though. I understand it too well. US History's easy after its been shoved in your head a million times.

Even one of the things I used to love going to school for, though I hate to admit it, annoys me. Seriously, all this shit that has been going down between my friends has put me in a bad mood. I don't understand how any of it persists. I guess they just aren't like me, who knows how to suck things up and move on because the past is a fucking lame thing to dwell upon. One moment everything is fine and then two days later, it resurfaces and all hell breaks lose and then everything is fine and then everything isn't and then--UGH! If one more "drama" goes down, I will seriously fucking explode, no lie. I hatehatehatehate drama with a passion. I don't like boys my age because they create drama. I don't like hating people because it causes drama. The only drama I like is the theatrical kind, kthx. Its sorta hard when your friends are turning into people that, unfortunately, annoy you in their own ways.

You know why I hate drama, school, and everything else like that? Because they distract me from the one thing that puts me at ease - my stories. Which, I have not been able to think about because so much shit in my life that I cannot control has been going down in my life. When I lie down at night, I don't want to think about what happened that day or what's happening tomorrow! No, I want to think about how so-and-so character falls in love with so-and-so character and how good so-and-so character is in bed and how so-and-so character looks in a suit. Yeah, I can think about real life when its happening, but when I lay down to go to bed, I like being able to think about my stories. I'm having difficulties doing that. I haven't wriiten anything lately either because I can't think about my characters. Drawing stuff, too, has been difficult. I don't know what to draw anymore. Its difficult since those two activities are things that really help calm me, but I don't know what to do in either of them! And when I want to talk to some of my friends about my stories, I can tell they don't care. They tell me stuff about their stories, but they could care less about mine. Yeah. Thanks. I appreciate it loads, friends.

I want to get out of high school so badly and grow up. I want to move out, go to college, get a job, find a boyfriend that's my type, graduate college, start working the career I want, marry my boyfriend, have kids and etc. etc. I want to be an adult so badly. I hate the petty moments of high school. I want real responsibility already! I want to be eighteen, out of the house and in Fort Worth already! I hated childhood, I hated pre-teendom, and I hate teenagership! I want adulthood already.

I swear, the only thing that keeps me going to school is the fact that I like to dress up and look fabulous.

Current Location: Nowhere.
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: "Move It" by MILLIONAIRES.